How Much Can One Day Suck?

Quite a bit, apparently.

Yesterday was rather entertaining, when looking back on it the next day. One of those days I almost (almost, mind you) think about moving back to the lower forty-eight.

I taught three classes yesterday, one of my heavy load days, increased by the arrangement of two practice sessions with a couple of other instructors. We have new routines being released, so we get together to practice them and get paid for the practice sessions.

The fun began right at the end of my Centergy class, a class that's a fusion of yoga, pilates, and tai chi. The last track is for resting, recovery, and generally behavior usually attributed to meditation. I was just starting the speech that brings everyone back to the present moment in a gentle fashion:

"Take a slow, deep breath. As you release it, begin waking up the body by wiggling fingers and -"

EEEEEEEEEHHHHHHNNNNNN!

The loudest, most obnoxious noise I've ever encountered rips through the entire building.

Someone had set off the fire alarm.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open. Then I said, "Well, you're all awake, so have a good day!" Everyone cracked up.

My next class started late because the noise continued until the fire department could arrive and turn it off. It was a false alarm, reportedly set off by a bouncing basketball. Whoopsie-daisy! At least it's good to know that the alarm is so loud, it'll drive everyone out of the building, emergency or not.

And now a few words about the weather.

Most of the time, it snows here through December, January, February and March. Snow in November, October, and even September is not unheard of, and it often snows in April, and sometimes as late as May.

In other words, snow is expected, and in many ways, appreciated. Fills potholes in the road, stuff like that. Last year we got more than we needed, but it still wasn't a huge problem. I'll take too much snow over the really huge winds we get any day.

There was one year that put something ahead of my dislike for great winds: freezing rain, aka ice storms. That was the year my Yaris got stuck sideways after sliding on the ice at the top of the driveway.

This season, we've only had one decent dumping of snow. This was followed by strong winds displacing the snow and packing it down hard in some places. And then the temperature shot up for a couple of weeks, melting the tops of everything just enough to form ice.

Even that's not always too bad. The melting was minimal, and the fact that the wind displaced the snow helped keep a lot of roads pretty clear of ice.

But yesterday, the rain started. The kind of rain that is almost slush, and therefore freezes to the top of already slick areas and makes them virtually impassible with the expectation of keeping your car on the road.

I was on my way after a very long day of exercise, and the rain had been going all day. When I stopped in Walmart, I was going to park in a close spot to minimize the possibility of slipping and falling. I was driving extremely slow, and trying to give everything around me lots of room.

I STILL almost slid into a parked car as I turned into a spot. Changed my mind and parked far away from other cars. All my balance training in my classes helps me stay on my feet as it is.

When I turned off the main road to the one that goes to my subdivision, I knew that things were going to get really bad. It's mostly downhill, with an S-curve at the bottom, a place where moose like to hang out. So I stayed in second gear most of the way. When I was approaching the dreaded curve, I slowed down and put it in first gear until I was creeping along at about two or three miles per hour.

I intended to go through the middle of the curve and minimize any turning as much as possible. There were no edges where I could get better traction, only deep ditches into the properties lining the roads. It didn't matter what gear I was in, how slow I was going, or how carefully I approached the area; this curve had it in for me. My car just slid right off the road and over into the ditch sideways.

I almost thought the car was going to roll, but it didn't. I cringed at the sound of the thorny brush scraping the sides and the undercarriage. I tried driving it forward, because it looked like I could get out by the driveway a little ways ahead. But it got stuck and died a couple of times.

A nice neighbor and his teenage kids stopped and offered to give me a ride home, which was right neighborly of them. Later that night, my hubby and I managed to get the car out ourselves without towing.

The most amazing part: there doesn't seem to be any damage to the car at all.

I love my car.

So though the day was about the worst it can get in Alaska weather-wise, it still manage to end all right. And still not nearly as bad as the entirety of last year was. I've written and submitted two stories this year. I've already caught up to last year's count.

This rain is about to drive me batty, though. Spring weather in the middle of January, when we're supposed to be having sub zero temps and lots of snow. And the wind started blowing today, too.

In the arena of healthy eating, we've been gradually going over to a more primal based diet: veggies, meats, fruits, that kind of thing. Essentially, no grains or farm- and agriculture-related foods. We're not strict. We still have brown rice. We still have dairy. Paleo is even more strict from what I've heard, even down to no fruit because of the sugar. I doubt we'll ever get that far, thanks to my relentless sweet tooth.

I was kind of missing pancakes, and I found a recipe for almond pancakes on a blog called "Girl Gone Primal." Tried them out today. If you're expecting them to be anything like the traditional wheat pancakes, you'll be disappointed. They are different. Not necessarily bad, but it's hard to describe. Drier and almost crumbly if you let them sit awhile. But decent with maple syrup. I couldn't eat very much, though. They are heavier and more filling than wheat pancakes.

I plan on trying her "Oopsie Pizza" recipe next. :)

2012 in Review

Looking back at blog entries and Facebook posts, I came to a grim realization:

2012 sucked big time.

There were a couple of high points, only one of which was really big. The big one was my husband's promotion, so much earlier than we expected it to be. The other high points: visiting my family in April (slightly marred by the TSA abuse), and selling one of my stories to the Ravaged anthology.

But sitting here, I remember exactly a year ago we brought Asuka home from the vet after her leg amputation. I am still grateful for the year we got to have with her following that event, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't color the rest of the year. Everything just went downhill from there.

I still ache when I think of my precious fur babies in heaven. I still have dreams about them, still go through pictures of them, still cry every once in a while. I think my strong emotions have drawn Daisy closer to me, as she seems to feel the need to protect me. She often curls up under the covers with me or stretches out along my back. I had a strange dream last night where she turned into a bird, but I didn't know it was her. She'd land on my fingers or my shoulder. Then Asuka pounced, and she turned back into a cat and hissed. Dusty sat nearby and just watched, licking his chops. I can usually interpret dreams pretty well, but I'm not sure what to think of this one.

Anyway, 2013 needs to kick 2012's ass. So I am restarting Write 1 Sub 1 with every intention of surpassing my achievements in 2011. I'll be teaching a lot of classes, which will keep me busy and tired. I think 2013 will definitely go down as a year to remember, and in a much better way.

The world may not have ended this month, but I think the world will change in big ways.

And I want to enjoy the ride.

Happy New Year! May 2013 bring you the granting of many wishes, the realization of many dreams, and the wit and presence to notice. ;) I'm going to look up some story ideas now.

The Hole Engulfs the House

Three weeks to the day after losing Dusty, last Friday Asuka followed him to the light. Her breathing had been getting heavier, and early Friday morning she had a fit where she was fighting to breathe and panicking a bit. At first we thought she was still doing okay, because she demanded breakfast, but she had another fit a couple of hours later.

I told Logan how she hadn't gone upstairs on her own in several days, she was wobbly when she walked or when I set her down on her feet, and seemed to be going downhill faster. She could barely even purr anymore. We found out later that she weighed only about three pounds, so she'd lost weight she didn't have to lose. The vet would be closed until Monday, and I was scared she would have more, and worse, fits over the weekend. It seemed the line between living comfortably and suffering had been crossed. When Logan saw her having the second fit, we agreed that it was time to take her in.

Both of us were looking for reasons not to, of course. After making the call, I spent the rest of the day with Asuka sleeping in my lap. My mind shrieked at me the whole time, telling me it was too soon, that maybe she would get better, that maybe a miracle was lying it wait.

But I knew it wasn't. She had cancer, and it was in her lungs. Just like my grandmother, who came home to die after learning that.

The visit was much like what happened with Dusty, except that the office was very busy. We sat on the exit side in two isolated chairs away from everyone else. A lady showed us into a small room we'd never been in before, and put the table down. I kept Asuka in my lap as she gave her the sedative shot. I petted her and repeated how much we loved her.

The vet assistant returned with another lady. If I weren't so upset, I would have found the pair amusing, like the Two Stooges, dropping cotton balls and whatnot.

I lifted Asuka up on the table and cried as she was given the final shot. We were told she might convulse, but that she wouldn't feel anything. Nothing like that happened. She merely stopped breathing. And then she was gone.

They left us alone with her to say our goodbyes. I asked her to please give our love to Dusty when she saw him. We petted her, I kissed the top of her head on her little orange spot, and we hugged each other and cried. We wrapped her up in the blanket they'd given us, and quietly left.

When we receive her ashes, we'll set the box up next to Dusty's on the shelf above the window. In the summer, we'll decide where we want to sprinkle them, so that they will always be together.

I don't think I've ever been this seriously depressed. I am having an extreme crisis of faith. I prayed for them both, every single day of their entire lives. These two cats were the first ones I'd ever had as indoor cats, and I was always impressed how much longer indoor cats lived, even into their twenties. So why was it not to be with these two? We did everything we could to keep them healthy and happy. I feel like I failed them somehow, like I didn't try hard enough, I didn't do the right things.

My conscious mind tells me how ridiculous that is, that we did more for them than most people do for their pets, that we gave them peaceful deaths with dignity. And I am grateful that we were able to give Asuka a year that she wouldn't have had with us otherwise. But I can't seem to convince myself. I feel like I will collapse under the weight of guilt.

Daisy seems to be at a loss. I swear she roams around upstairs expecting the other two to pop out at her.  Every once in a while, I hear her meow up there, like she's calling for them. She follows me around a lot more now. She's lying on the table next to the computer as I type this.

I keep thinking I see them sitting on the stairs, or on the futon, or on the bed.

I have cried every single night before going to sleep.

We've decided not to adopt any other animals for now. But we are seriously considering fostering homeless animals that are rescued from shelters before they can be euthanized. One such group has adoption clinics at Petzoo every once in a while, and I asked about it. We had adopted Daisy from another such rescue group almost two years ago. That way I can help as many animals as possible without becoming the local Crazy Cat Lady.

In the meantime, I'll grieve and grapple with the guilt and the pain. I have many friends doing their best to comfort me, and I am extremely grateful to them for their kind words and love.

Asuka had found us in June of 2003, perching herself on the porch railing of my in-law's house and waiting patiently for us to come out and welcome her. Dusty found us a few months later the same year, announcing his arrival on the deck during feeding time with a mighty thump. They gave us nine years of love, friendship, and much purring. I suppose that they both left us in the same year is fitting, but it should have been years from now.

Please hug your loved ones tonight, and tell them how much you love them.

"You know, someone has said that we should live each day as if it were the last day of our lives."

"Augh! This is the last day! This is it! I only have twenty-four hours left! Help me, help me! This is the last day! Auuuuuuuugh!"

" ... Clearly, some philosophies aren't for all people."

Got that right, Sally. Maybe I need a new philosophy too.

The Hole in The House, Nanowrimo Bust, and No Snow

November was just a bad month all around. In fact, most of this year has just been sad, what with the cats' health and not writing and gradually getting exercised to death.

The worst part was that Dusty's health did not improve. He started slipping back down the health hill, getting weaker and not eating. I made an appointment for the doc to see both Dusty and Asuka and get his opinion on options.

He told us the straight, bleak truth: Dusty wasn't going to get better on his own, and most of the options were not comfortable ones. Things like feeding tubes and subcutaneous fluid shots, etc. And none of it would necessarily help. He said that at some point you have to decide when you're doing it for the health and well-being of the cat, and when you're doing it for yourself. That struck a chord with both me and Logan.

When he examined Asuka, he noted her breathing was a bit heavier than usual, which I had also noticed. He told us that he didn't recommend any more surgeries to remove lumps because it had likely metastasized to her lungs now anyway. He did suggest a steroid that would help her appetite and help her general health. Then he left us alone to discuss options.

I told Logan that I couldn't bear the thought of putting Dusty through any more pain, but that I also could not stand the idea of bringing him home and watching him die slowly. I had watched several beloved cats die because we couldn't take them to the vet when I was growing up. Logan agreed: we were both there to love him and pet him as we said goodbye, and he could go to sleep without any pain. As for Asuka, we decided to get the steroid.

When he came back, the vet gave Dusty a sedative. He fell asleep in Logan's lap. A little while later, the vet returned with an assistant to give him the final shot. He said that Dusty was gone so fast, he was probably on the way out with the sedative. We knew that he must have been a very sick kitty indeed.

They left so we could say our goodbyes. Then the assistant returned to make a print from his paw to craft an ornament with his name and paw print on it. We decided to have him cremated, since the ground is frozen, and we wouldn't be able to bury him sufficiently with our shallow ground. That way, we could keep his ashes until the time Asuka passes, so we can release their ashes somewhere together, maybe on one of our favorite hikes.

I am extremely grateful to our vet for being straightforward with us, instead of leading us on with promises that make money but don't help. He truly cares about animals and wants them to be happy as much as we do.

Asuka is doing well on the steroid. She's eating like crazy and still seems pretty healthy despite the huge lumps and the breathing. She's even demanding people food, like meat and cheese, which she never had before. She sits by my side and I feed her little bits of meat from my stew as I'm eating. At this point, she can eat whatever she wants. I still give her the Life Gold on her evening food. She's sleeping in my lap as I type this, purring.

There's a hole in the house without Dusty here. It feels so wrong. I keep glancing up, expecting to see him sitting at the top of the stairs. Without him as a buffer, Daisy and Asuka have not been getting along so well. But I know Dusty's in a better place, healthy and fluffy. The gold tin with his ashes sits above the window with his Stuffed Dusty toy and the paw print ornament. I have no idea how much longer Asuka will be with us, but I intend to keep her as happy as I can for as long as I can.

This all pretty much spelled disaster for Nanowrimo. I attended one writing meeting, and wrote a little over one thousand words. Then I never even so much as glanced at the website or tried to write another word. I felt sucked dry of imagination, inspiration, and drive.

Part of that is also due to the fact that I'm working my butt off at the club. We lost three instructors over the summer, and two more with pregnancies. One of those instructors is back, but the other instructor carrying the club with me is going on vacation this month. I'll be teaching fourteen hours a week until middle of January, fifteen hours a week a couple of those weeks. And that's only if no one else asks me to sub for them.

I'm happy to be able to help people out, but I tell you what, I'm tired. This is my last two-day weekend for a while, and I'll probably spend it sleeping.

To top it all off, there's no snow here! We got two brief little spits, but the wind blew it all away almost immediately. The winds have been awful, this current blast being the worst of all. Once, when climbing into the car in a store parking lot, I couldn't close my door. I pulled with all my strength, with both hands, and with one foot braced. I guess the gusts have been up to eighty-five miles an hour in some places. It sure feels like it. I hope we have it before Christmas rolls around. I even prefer the below zero temps to this wind. At least that gave us some beautiful frost.

So, generally depressing. But I'm trying to find some bright spots. We still have Asuka, and she still seems to be enjoying life. Daisy, Bruno, and Uffda all seem happy. I talked to some people with Alaska Cat Adoption about the possibility of fostering in the future. Logan got a promotion to a position he was hoping to get. And all this exercising keeps me looking hot. :)

Since 2012 was almost nil in writing production (I did sell one erotic story, and I'm still waiting to hear on another horror story), I plan on restarting my commitment to Write 1 Sub 1 for 2013. I hope to make it a better year than 2011 was for my writing.

That is, as long as the world doesn't end on December 21st. ;)

Bad Blogger! No Doughnut!

Um, so I guess it has been approximately three months since my last blog post? Boy, am I rotten at this whole writing thing.

Well, things have been rather screwy, what with changes in my husband's job, practicing new routines, and trying to complete a costume in time for a Halloween karaoke party this weekend. Which isn't done yet.

The biggest thing that has happened concerns my cats. My Tripawed Wonder seems to be doing okay, except that her lump has returned with reinforcements. They don't seem to be bothering her at this time, but I continue giving her the ES Clear drops since she appears so healthy otherwise. ES Clear has been improved and renamed to Life Gold now. Doesn't need to be refrigerated, which is nice, since Asuka hates cold stuff.

I can't take her to the vet now because a week ago, Dusty ended up staying at the vet for four days due to renal failure. Unfortunately, what caused it can't really be determined right now. The biggest signal was that he stopped eating, stopped using the litter box, and drank water like crazy. Then his coat got dull and saggy, his eyes sunken and weepy, and he got extremely lethargic, though restless.

He started eating shortly after getting fluids. When I went to visit him, he had his face in his food bowl. Everyone that worked there loved him, said he was so friendly.

Now back at home, he's on canned K/D. The other two are also on a canned food diet now. I've read all the information on how it can be better for cats' health, and I went with my vet's recommendation on food that wouldn't be bad for him if Dusty got hold of some of it.

Dusty is also on a medication, the name of which escapes me at the moment. He gets it every three and a half days, and there's even a choice of flavors. He's not fond of it being forced on him, but he doesn't seem to mind the taste of it either.

He's thriving, though he's not quite back to his normal self. He's more mellow now, as though tired easily. But something interesting happened in the house while he was gone:

Daisy started coming upstairs.

In the year and a half since we adopted her, she has stayed downstairs while Dusty and Asuka ruled the upstairs. I guess since Asuka didn't pitch a fit when she came up to investigate, and Dusty wasn't there to protest, she has decided it's safe enough now. Daisy loves sleeping under the covers in our bed. And playing with the ear plugs I wear when hubby snores. I'll have to clean things up now since she plays with everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING.

That's all I can think of to post at the moment. I'll try to be more regular with this whole writing thing. Especially since next month is Nanowrimo. :)

Ravaged Blog Hop!

One of the things I love about writing is that it's introducing me to concepts that I've never experienced before. This is my first time participating in a "blog hop," where several writers are hosting interviews with other writers on their blogs.


Ravaged Blog Hop - 5 blogs, 10 authors, 10 copies to be won!

Welcome to the Ravaged Author Blog Hop

To celebrate the release of Ravaged this weekend, the authors have done a little Q&A hosted by five of the authors on their blogs. Starting Friday, August 3rd through Monday, August 6th, take a journey to see what brought the stories of this phantasmagorical anthology to light.

Each blog features two interviews, and if you comment you have a chance to win one of 10 PDF copies of Ravaged kindly donated by all the authors.

The blog links can be found below so please go and check out all the interviews.
Annabeth Leong

D.F. Krieger

Silvia Violet

SJ Thomas

Erin O'Riordan

I hope you enjoy these interviews as much as I enjoyed being a part of them. Thanks for reading!

So what's going on with me now?

As usual, I just realized I hadn't posted anything in a little more than a month. That's because my writing habits have gone completely out the window.

I realize it's a lot like exercise. Exercise is so much a part of me now that even if I quit my teaching job, I'd probably still feel the need to exercise just as often. However, if I were to stop for a period of time, say for vacation, I know how hard it would be to get going again. Even harder for someone who hasn't done a lot of exercising to begin with.

As far as writing is concerned, I'm a beginner. It hasn't become habit for me, like exercise has.

I'm in the middle of two stories at this time. And my "Encantado" story will soon be released as part of the Ravaged Anthology from Breathless Press. I got a check in the mail that reflected the royalties from an anthology published last year.

I think that was the kick in the pants I needed to plant these pants back in the chair. At least I have a more comfortable chair to sit in now than I did before.

I'm also considering maybe I need a change of venue. As in, different places to write, rather than this same desk over and over, day in and day out. Thinking of maybe getting addicted to coffee and hanging out in coffee houses.

Except I hate coffee. I guess it will have to be coco and smoothies.

I just have a hard time motivating myself to leave the house these days. When I do, it's to go teach. I love the formats that I teach, and I love the fantastic body I get from teaching all these classes. And the club has been updating the equipment, making the actual teaching more enjoyable.

I'm just so tired. July is the hardest month because I'm learning four new routines, teaching all my own classes, and subbing for a lot of instructors who go on vacation during the summer. At least now all the new releases are done, so I can stop practicing for a month. Sigh.

All that movement means that when I get home, all I want to do is space out in front of the TV, or play a video game that doesn't really involve a lot of thinking. When I sit down to write, I end up staring out the window for fifteen minutes instead, because I can't string any coherent thoughts together.

But this month is almost over. I knew back in May that this was going to be a hard one, and it was.

I just have to remind myself of this in January when everything is dead and boring.