Monday, March 31, 2008

Where was I, where was I...

... oh, yes! (Name that musical!)

Actually I can't remember all that I was going to write about before I was so rudely interrupted by my affectionate husband... who has not been able to be affectionate for the last month or so.

But all his hard work has paid off. He got a glowing report from the corporate people who came to check things out.

Only problem is today he should have been able to come home a decent time. With me. To actually have dinner at dinner time.

But scheduling snafu has left him stuck till closing time. So here I sit. Alone again, naturally. (And quoting from songs of all genres. Sheesh.)

Snow. I mentioned snow last time. Ha. Hardly any of it stayed on the ground. It was gone by morning. And it wasn't even sunny today! Still very chilly.

California was, of course, beautiful weather-wise. About 70 degrees, blue skies, etc. My best friend's wedding day was absolutely perfect for a game of croquet with the Queen on the lawn.

Yes, she had croquet at her wedding, complete with flamingos, a la Alice in Wonderland. And lots of tea pots, flowers, and little sandwiches with the crusts trimmed.

I admit it was a very rocky start. The bride's mom and sister were bickering back and forth about things that didn't need to be discussed right in front of the bride (sorry, Mom and Sis, but it's true), who, by the way, looked like she was about to vault across the room for a trash can to throw up in. We were running late, to boot.

Walking up the aisle, she looked like she was trying to hide behind the ringlets around her face and shrink inside her veil. I snuck a look to make sure she wasn't wearing sneakers.

But the moment she stood by her husband-to-be's side, it was like everything snapped into place. The rest of the wedding was fantastic and the bride and groom looked very happy, even during the cleanup time afterward.

The funniest thing happened to yours truly during the wedding toasts. I didn't have a chance to prepare anything, though I was wracking my brains with what I could say. Listing all our inside jokes would take hours and make no sense to anyone else. Making her blush was out, too, because she was already the proverbial blushing bride. Besides, the ones before me got to say the corny things that I could come up with last minute, anyway.

I soon discovered I had another problem; the garter that the maid of honor had created for each woman in the bridal party had several charms attached to it. I had it on my left leg and had crossed my right leg on top of the charms.

My pantyhose became affixed to said charms, causing quite a difficulty in standing up. Not to mention the fact that detaching it hastily could create a big hole in my hose.

When the torch was passed to me, I had my skirt hitched up almost to my hips under the table, trying to unweave the hose from the charms. When I realized it was my turn, I put my hands on the table and said, "No, thanks."

Several people were shocked. After all, I had known my beloved Mellybean for longer than anyone else up there (I think). In fact, if I wasn't already married, I met as well have married her myself.

Matthew even commented, "The ham is passing up the spotlight?!"

But they moved on rather quickly and I think my makeup did a good job of masking my flaming cheeks.

Of course, now that it's over, I can think of a million things I could have said.

But I'm sure deep down, Mellybean knows it all anyway. That's what best friends are for.

But what are vampire eggbeaters?!

When it rains, it snows...

And it is snowing yet again. I actually thought we might have seen the last of it for the season.

But where I used to live, it snowed in April, so I'm not surprised.

Well, I had planned a nice long blog entry, but my husband is playing with my hair and kissing my neck.

I can hear the squeals of "Ew! Get a room!"

We have one, thank you. Two, actually. One belongs to the cats, though.

To be continued...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Don't Fly At Midnight...

... 'cause that's when the weirdos like to take their trips!

I took a midnight flight to Seattle and from there to Sacramento. The midnight flights were cheaper, so I thought hey, it's cheaper and maybe it'll be nice and quiet and not too packed.


It was packed to the gills. On my left side sat a decent enough young gentleman, a little on the chatty side.

On my right flopped a scruffy-looking man in his forties. The first thing I noticed was that I couldn't breathe. A cloud of alcohol hit my face so hard I swore I could get drunk off it myself. The nice guy on my left said, "No, oh, no."

The drunk guy kept alternating between staring at me and reaching across me to poke the other guy and bother him with phrases that made me think they were having trouble before they even got on this flight. Inwardly, I groaned. Three hours of choking alcohol stench and two guys who won't let me sleep. I knew before the flight was through I'd be standing up and chewing this drunk guy out for something. He'd probably have to be stuffed in the airline restroom for lack of space. Or maybe they could've chucked him in cargo or something.

Anyway, at one point the drunk guy starts bothering me. "So what do you do?"

With deadpan expression, I replied, "Martial arts."

Didn't phase him. "Oh yeah? For how long?"

"Mmm, about 12 years."

"Oh." Long pause. "Is that all?"


"Ever break any boards with your head?"

"No, but my husband has."

"Ever break any boards at all?"

"Oh, yeah, several with my fists."

Apparently, all my hints of "I can tear you to tiny pieces if you try anything" are slipping right through one ear and out the other. This man was lost to cognitive abilities of any kind.

And then my angel appeared: One of the older flight attendants swooped down like the wrath of the great Warrior Goddess and demanded to see the drunk guy's tickets. She asked if he had any stuff in the overhead racks. When he said no, she said, "Well, grab all your stuff. You're getting off this plane right now." She hustled him out of there without a single peep of argument from him.

The moment he was gone, the other guy and I looked at each other and breathed twin sighs of relief. He then told me of the trouble he'd been having with this guy in the airport. He didn't know him, but the drunk guy took exception to him for some reason and had been trying to cajole him into a fight. He had warned the flight attendants as soon as he got on the plane. It was just plain bad luck that the guy ended up sitting in the same row.

So not only did that creepy drunk get kicked off, but I got to move over to the aisle seat and we both got as much room to stretch out as we could want.

Besides that uncomfortable experience, I learned even midnight flights have their share of babies and noisy talkers. There is no advantage to taking a midnight flight except for the price. Those seats aren't good for sleeping in, either. I kept cutting off the circulation to my hands.

Ah, well. Live and learn. Tonight we karaoke in California! I can't wait!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mumsy!

I'm an idiot. I didn't call my mom on her birthday. I am seven kinds of idiot. More than that. I'm an amoeba on fleas on rats. (Name that musical!)

A sign you've been working too much: When you can't even find the time to call your mother on her birthday. Maybe it's time to reevaluate my life. Of course, being an hour behind doesn't help, either.

Well, I have several birthdays that I'll be making up for when I'm back in California next week, so it's not like it's out of my way. I hope Dad took her out for Chinese food or something. I sure do miss Chinese food. There isn't any real good Chinese food here in the Mat-Su Valley. You have to go to Anchorage for that, and I'm not driving an hour just to go out for Chinese.

Maybe I could smuggle some in checked baggage on my way back to Alaska for Logan to have. I'm sure Dad would approve, especially if I had it under my pillow.

No, I'm not explaining that one. There is no explanation.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Downside to Taking Your Dog to Work... that he gets bored at home.

I took today off. Logan took the car to work, so it was just me and Bruno all day.

I was trying to accomplish all the stuff that goes undone during the week. I spent most of the day chasing him out of the trash, prying his jaws apart to remove various soggy rubbish, and cleaning up his accidents on the floor. He's housebroken when he's not at home apparently.

At work, even though he's in a kennel, he gets visited by all kinds of people and gets to walk through the store greeting customers on his leash. People love him because he's so cute.

But there are things he does that aren't so cute anymore. Like chewing on everything (which is actually biting when he does it on humans) and jumping on people.

It got WARM today! The parking lots are back to their normal duties instead of moonlighting as ice skating rinks.

(Yes, this is related to the topic above and not a complete Monty Python change of subject.)

Now when he goes outside to potty, Bruno gets muddy paws. Hence the reason why jumping is not cute anymore.

He's getting bigger and still loves to get in the face of munchkins. But he can knock them clean off their feet with his breath alone.

I wanted to take him with me on my trip to California, but it costs $200. And Logan won't have time to watch him here. So we're considering a doggy school.

His sitting in his kennel right now and I feel like such a horrible, unworthy parent.

Of course, his kennel contains a big, fluffy pillow, his favorite towel, and several chew toys. I'm such a sucker.